Regrets

Peter posted something about regrets on Facebook, and it got my Sheldonian brain searching the web ...

I ran across this interesting article about what an Australian nurse says about her experiences in palliative care.(Think hospice.) She lists the top five regrets people expressed to her in their last days:

1. I wish I’d had the courage to live a life true to myself, not the life others expected of me.
This was the most common regret of all. When people realize that their life is almost over and look back clearly on it, it is easy to see how many dreams have gone unfulfilled. Most people had not honored even a half of their dreams and had to die knowing that it was due to choices they had made, or not made.

2. I wish I didn’t work so hard. 
This came from every male patient that I nursed. They missed their children’s youth and their partner’s companionship. Women also spoke of this regret. But as most were from an older generation, many of the female patients had not been breadwinners. All of the men I nursed deeply regretted spending so much of their lives on the treadmill of a work existence.

3. I wish I’d had the courage to express my feelings.
Many people suppressed their feelings in order to keep peace with others. As a result, they settled for a mediocre existence and never became who they were truly capable of becoming. Many developed illnesses relating to the bitterness and resentment they carried as a result.

4. I wish I had stayed in touch with my friends. 
Often they would not truly realize the full benefits of old friends until their dying weeks and it was not always possible to track them down. Many had become so caught up in their own lives that they had let golden friendships slip by over the years. There were many deep regrets about not giving friendships the time and effort that they deserved. Everyone misses their friends when they are dying.

5. I wish that I had let myself be happier. 
This is a surprisingly common one. Many did not realize until the end that happiness is a choice. They had stayed stuck in old patterns and habits. The so-called ‘comfort’ of familiarity overflowed into their emotions, as well as their physical lives. Fear of change had them pretending to others, and to themselves, that they were content. When deep within, they longed to laugh properly and have silliness in their life again.

 Had I died ten years ago, I would have had many of these regrets. I am happy to say that in the past ten years, as I have changed, many of these things have changed, too. Thanks to all you who helped that happen.

I imagine there will be things that I regret when my time comes. How could there not be? The world is full of so many possibilities and I cannot see everything or hear everything or meet everyone.

But I have seen so much beauty, heard so much wonder, met -- and loved -- so many amazing folks. My life has already been full and for that I am grateful. ("Full" includes sadness, disappointment and loss, of course. But those things do not spoil or diminish the other.)