Fear

A few years ago I was doing a sort of life-review with a friend. Part of the process was making note of what had been motivating forces on my behavior. When I was done, I went back over and paid particular attention to those notes. What was glaringly obvious was how much of a role fear had played in my life.

I was quite taken aback. I thought I had done lots of fearless things, and perhaps I had. But fear was still present and much more important that I had realized.

It shows up in small things. I am maybe not like the cow in the photo. When it comes to enormous things, I can jump off the cliff and let it go. But little things can be a problem: going shopping, playing any kind of competitive game, going to a party where I don't know many people. Fear keeps me in ruts. 

One reason I am taking the collage class this summer is that something about that scares me. Doesn't make much sense, but it does. I spent so many years -- decades, really -- in school that I react internally like everything I do is being graded. 

The following, as those of you nerds will recognize, is from Frank Herbert's Dune: