Wavelengths

For a few months at the end of 2006 and beginning of 2007, I worked as a "spiritual counselor" for a local hospice. Some would call the position chaplain, but when I interviewed for the job, it was made quite clear that it was a nondenominational position. Today I ran across this entry in a journal from that time:

The company policies are clear about what is appropriate and inappropriate in dealing with the patients and the families. We are there to support them in their journey, not to tell them what journey to take, although we can share our own faith when asked directly about it.

As part of my training I went with one of the other counselors to observe a visit for the first time. It was a positive experience and I think this will be a rewarding position. [NB: Actually I only worked there for a few months, after discovering that I spent far more of my time filling in reports and at staff meetings than I did with clients.]

There was one little bump, though, as I look back on it. The other counselor was explaining to me what she takes with her when she goes -- basically a Bible and a small booklet of devotions. I mentioned that I had also put a rosary in my pocket in case I found I was dealing with a Catholic. She seemed a little taken aback. She had, in fact, already told me that the person I will be visiting on Wednesday has identified himself as Catholic, so it seemed logical to me to be prepared with such a basic Catholic spiritual prayer tool. It obviously had not occurred to her that it would be appropriate, although I don't know that she considered my bringing one inappropriate. She knows my background, after all.

I got to thinking, though, about what passes as the norm in faith in America. I suspect that many Protestants assume that Bible reading would be safely nondenominational -- even though they might read only from the King James version and never from any of the books missing there but found in Catholic and Orthodox Bibles, some of which are filled with beautiful prayers and consoling words. Because Bible is normal, it becomes normative. Rosary may seem a bit ... well, too Catholic.

I joked that I also had a yarmulke in case I ran into someone Jewish, and that really perplexed her. I got the impression that she might find encountering someone with no beliefs (as she has in this work) less unsettling than if she were to encounter someone with strong but other beliefs.

I don't mean to be critical, because this is a lovely woman, and she was great with the lady we visited together. They were on the same wavelength, and there was bit of "people saved by grace, like us" scattered through the conversation. As far as I could tell, this was well within the parameters of our job description.

But it did remind me how un-normative I am, not only  by being Catholic, and a heretical Catholic at that, but  maybe by being a bit reluctant to assume that everyone is on my wavelength.

A couple of months after the above incident, one of the men I visited turned out to have totally other spiritual beliefs. He and his family did not belong to any church, although they were associated with the Society for Creative Anachronism and had built a spiritual life around mostly Native American traditions, though not Native themselves. They talked to me with great enthusiasm about what they believed, and I listened with interest.

When he died a few days after that visit, the family asked if I would hold the service because I seemed to be comfortable with them. It took some doing, but my bosses finally permitted me to do it -- it was not in a church after all, and I basically was just giving some simple directions and keeping the service the family had planned moving, inviting people to speak and so on -- as long as I did not take a stipend. The family insisted on giving me a donation, which I told them I would give to the hospice in memory of the deceased, and that appeared to satisfy everyone.