Thursday, January 1, 2015

Not resolutions but maybe suggestions ...

This is excerpted from an article by Lindsey Holmes on Huffington Post. If you are looking for some things to do in 2015 that may make your life and the lives of those around you better, you might want to consider one or more of these phrases that will change your life:

"Please."

It's among the smallest of words, but it suggests the biggest of manners -- which, quite honestly, need to make a comeback. And think about it: Are you more likely to fulfill a favor if someone asks you nicely? There's power in "please."

"Because."

It's a simple word, but it could help you get what you want. According to research published in the new book Magic Words: The Science and Secrets Behind Seven Words That Motivate, Engage, and Influence, those who reasoned with "because" in a sentence were more likely to receive what they asked for than those who made a request without the word.

"Thank you."

According to Binghamton University research, only a third of people accept a compliment graciously, Psychology Today reported. It's no secret that many of us get squeamish when receiving compliments -- and as a result, the response is usually laced with self-deprecating humor that brushes off a genuine statement. Saying "thank you" not only acknowledges the other person's kind words, but hopefully it'll help you believe them, too. [Our friend Michelangelo once told Tom that the proper response to a compliment is, "Thank you." That's it. Say that and stop talking. Michael]

"How can I help you?"

If someone you love is going through a hard time, sometimes the best way to support them is just offering to do so. "If you really want to help somebody, then the way you should go about it is to ask yourself if you can be supportive of the individual in a way that allows them to tell you about what they're experiencing and why they may be experiencing that," Todd Farchione, Ph.D., a clinical psychologist at the Center for Anxiety and Related Disorders at Boston University.

Helping others isn't just good for them, it also can give you a boost. Research shows that giving back can increase self-satisfaction and a sense of purpose, while volunteering can improve longevity.

"Can you help me?"

Asking for help also carries weight. There's nothing wrong with admitting that you need a little assistance. In fact, it can be transformative. We're often worried that asking for help makes us look stupid, but one study found that seeking advice can actually make you appear more competent.

"I'm too busy."

This one is incredibly important. Put this phrase in your memory -- then completely erase it. In the past year, we've been more burned out than ever, and our constant busyness is standing in the way of our capacity for joy. As author Agapi Stassinopoulos wrote, "[H]ere's to the end of glorification for our culture's busyness, getting things done on little sleep, and feeling like we have to catch up with the race -- because ultimately there is no race except for the one we assign ourselves to." In 2015, let's eliminate the word busy. And actually mean it.

"Goodnight."

This phrase by itself isn't as important as when you say it. Hint: Say it as soon as you're tired. Too often, one of the first things we neglect is sleep, when we really should be prioritizing it. According to a recent survey, more than half of American adults say they need at least eight hours of sleep -- but nearly three quarters say they get less than that. Time to start hitting the hay earlier!

"I don't."

Tempted by those leftover holiday cookies while working on your healthy resolutions? Swap "can't" for "don't." A study published in the Journal of Consumer Research found that people who used phrases like "I don't eat cookies" had more self-control and positive behavior changes than those who said "I can't eat cookies." [This is excellent and simple advice. Saying "I don't" is about my power. Saying "I can't" emphasizes my weakness. Michael]

"I'm sorry."

It's hard to admit when we're in the wrong, but doing so can drastically improve our lives (not to mention our relationships). Research shows that guilt can physically weigh us down -- so let it go with a heartfelt apology.

"No."

You can do anything, but not everything. Sometimes it's simply OK to just say "no" if you're too overwhelmed, especially if it means you'll avoid burnout.

As  Arianna Huffington pointed out at a women's business conference in 2013, sometimes the best way to complete a project is by dropping it entirely. "That doesn't mean ignoring my other needs, but it means when I'm in it, I'm really in it. And that means often saying no to good things, to things that you might want to do, but get in the way of sleep, or get in the way of being with your children, or whatever it is that's also very important to you," she said.

"I'm grateful for ____."

Research shows that expressing gratitude can make us happier and healthier -- both common resolutions at the start of the new year. Keep a gratitude journal or just reflect on what you're thankful for at the end of each day. [One of the biggest lessons I learned during my years in the monastery was to learn to say I am grateful for things that at first seem to be problems. By spending some time thanking God for them, I discovered that there are gifts inside every problem, and a door to a better world in every wall that seemed to hem me in. Michael]

"Oh well."

Not everything is going to turn out the way we planned -- and that's more than OK. Accepting life as it is instead of worrying about how it "should" be can be a freeing feeling. Stressing over the little things can negatively impact our lifespan, take a toll on our bodies and more. As one of 2014's most popular songs advised, let it go.


"Let's go."

When was the last time you embraced a little adventure? Statistics show that new experiences are at the top of our bucket lists, yet we rarely go out on a limb. Research also suggests that experiences -- not things -- make us happier. Why not travel off the beaten path this year?

"Just breathe."

This may be the most basic yet most important thing you could tell yourself in the coming year. Pausing to breathe, to live in the moment, to let go of stress, is crucial to your well-being. If worries start to creep in, remind yourself to pause. You'll feel better for it.

3 comments:

Kirstin Dodd said...

Great article!

Happy to see you also read the Huff.

Should've known.

Michael Dodd said...

I don't read the Huff as much as I once did because so many of the stories just agitate me rather than motivate me. (That's just me.) More often these days I run across a link somewhere to an article that I want to read and when I click the link, I wind up on Huffington Post. Then I look over what else is on offer and find other things I like.

When I woke up, Tom was cooking bacon and potato pancakes for breakfast. Great way to start a New Year! The smell of the bacon drives the cats crazy, but when I offer them bits, they sniff and then walk away. Maybe it smells like tuna to them when it's cooking?

Ur-spo said...

Yes, this is a great article; you do a splendid job conveying its points.