Occasions of sin

I had one of those conversations with a friend recently. She knew I had once been in a monastery for over thirty years and asked if it hadn’t been difficult being a gay man in an all-male environment, temptation-wise, that is. She was clearly disappointed -- and perhaps doubtful -- when I told her that it had not been a major problem.

It reminded me of an incident back in the mid-1980’s when I was in charge of new members entering the monastery. One was quite open about being gay, and some members of the senior community found this difficult to accept. The fellow left after about nine months, but I thought with him gone, it would be possible to turn the recent experience into a teachable moment. So I went to a local counseling service that specialized in Catholic priests and religious and talked to someone about giving a workshop to the community about homosexuality. He was a youngish Jesuit and did a fantastic job. He allayed fears, provided a context and responded respectfully and professionally to the concerns raised.

Towards the end of the day, the superior asked the question my friend raised: “Wouldn’t a gay man find it too tempting to be living in a monastery, surrounded by men? Is it fair to him to bring him into such an environment? “

Everyone leaned forward.

The Jesuit looked slowly around the room of mostly late-middle-age portly friars and smiled.

“Folks, let’s look at ourselves. I don’t think any of us is exactly a near occasion of sin to anyone.”

We all laughed, and that was that.

It represents a number of the misunderstandings about gay men that some (many? most?) straight people have.

Gay men are only interested in sex. All the time. (Yeah, unlike straight men. The “every 7 second” rule is an urban legend apparently, but the Kinsey Institute does say that 54% of men think about sex every day or several times a day.)

Gay men are interested in sex with any male they see. (Right! Like straight men are interested in sex with every female they see.)

Gay men cannot control their sexual desires. (Whereas straight men…)

Gay men have no understanding of appropriate sexual behavior. (Straight men, again…)

You get the point.

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For those of you without the advantages of a Catholic upbringing (or some rough equivalent), an "occasion" of sin is a situation in which one is likely to be tempted to sin. The situation itself is not a sin, but placing oneself in the situation places one at risk of sinning. Looking at the top shelves of the magazine rack at a bookstore might lead one to see magazines like Playboy that might tempt one to lust and then to immoral acts and so could lead to sin. Notice that there are several stages along the way at which one can choose to stop the headlong rush to trouble.

A "near occasion of sin" is one that is almost certain to lead one astray. Walking into a shop with nothing but pornographic materials in the display window is pretty much getting into a near occasion of sin. Not necessarily, of course. Perhaps you are doing a sociological study ...

Hey, as the joke says about the Irishman walking out of a bar, it could happen!