Timeless news

Back in 2008, I ran across these "write-your-own" templates, which allow you to fill in the blanks to create a news story that reflects things actually featured on magazine covers in the racks by the checkout counter at your local supermarket. Sadly, the template is as pertinent today as it was seven years ago.

*_______ is the principal in a sex scandal involving his actions while conducting public business. He had no comment, but his spokesman released a statement saying that _____ was not going to resign as _____, but would fight the charges. "He did nothing wrong" the statement continued, "He did not have sex with that _____"

Or ...

*_____ announced he would resign as ____. With his wife standing by his side, ______ told reporters he needed to focus all his energy on his _____ and all those whose trust he betrayed.

Well, I suppose today the template applies not only to political figures but to many religious or faux-religious celebrities.